


Are you mad?

by JackandMarkaremySunandStars (ImagineBeingSafe)



Series: Stars and Waves [2]
Category: Markiplier-fandom, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Autism Spectrum, Autistic!Reader, Emotional Confusion, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2018-07-21
Packaged: 2019-06-13 18:29:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15370689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImagineBeingSafe/pseuds/JackandMarkaremySunandStars
Summary: Emotions confuse you.





	Are you mad?

**Author's Note:**

> this is autistic brain + reading emotions= does not compute.
> 
>  
> 
> Y/F/N is for friend's name. they aren't a very good one though.

It's always been a problem, as long as you remember.

 

You've never been able to read pepole right.

 

You could empathize, that wasn't a problem.

 

When you got attached to fictional characters, it could leave you sobbing, angry or desperately upset at something that wasn't real. They might not be real, but you loved them like they were.

 

Real pepole are so much harder, and you'd think things were ok, and then, their tone would change, there would be yelling, or worse, you being yelled at, which you'd never been able to take.

 

Even if you loved someone, spent time with them, you could never. Never. Quite. Be-

 

-Normal.

 

Normal pepole know when they are being annoying. Know all the little pieces, and know how to make them fit.

 

+

 

_"So next thing you know-" Your voice flits, rapid-dash, flows. You love these characters so much, and Y/F/N seems to be okay with-_

 

 **"** _Can you_ **_shut up!?_ ** _No one_ **_cares!"_ **

 

_Oh. Oh. You did it again._

 

_You are silent the rest of the day, ignoring the heaviness of hurt in your stomach._

 

_It's your own fault._

 

_+_

 

 _"You need to tell me if I'm talking too much about something. I'll shut up, I swear._ "

 

 

_You'd been talking so much your mouth is dry._

 

_That's when you realize how long you've been talking about something Mark probably could care less about._

 

_"God, I'm so sorry. You must be tired of it by now. I'll shut up. "_

 

_"It wasn't a problem, Y/N. You- You light up."_

 

_That makes you smile. He really doesn't care._

 

_+_

 

It would always a problem. Like now.

 

He was-

 

_Was he mad?_

 

Mark sounded like he could be. You knew the tone, how his voice changed, all too well.

 

_Was it you?_

 

You were the problem, a lot of the time.

 

This time, you had no idea what you'd done.

 

And it spills, because you trust Mark to tell you when you've fucked up-

 

"-Are you angry?  At me? I don't know what I did, but tell me, I'll fix it. I swear-"

 

Mark's hands go through his hair.

 

"No.  Well, that's not-

 

 

-I'm mad, yeah. But, not at you."

 

You try to belive him.

 

 _"_ Okay. I'll give you space then."

_+_

 

Mark finds you later in the living room.

 

He caught you frozen, like you do when you're truly overwhelmed. 

 

Trying to think of something you could do to fix it.

 

You had a whole mental checklist for him.

 

But it was a bit too much.

 

You didn't know what to do, the right thing seamed impossible.

 

You start at the feel of Mark's hands on your knees, just the right amount of pressure.

 

Light touches would make you flinch, or worse, swipe at the person who touched you.

 

You could fill libraries with the things that you'd memorized about Mark, but it **_always_** surprised you when he remembered things about you.

 

You don't deserve his kindness, if you can't keep him happy.

 

_It has to be me. My fault._

 

That thought set off the instinct that you could never turn off.

 

“I’m sorry. _I’m sorry. I’m sorry- sorry- sorry-"_

 

The hands on your knees squeeze again.

 

 

"We went over this, Y/N.  You are not the problem. I am not mad at you. If I have to keep saying it I will."

 

It's like something clicks, finally. Mark doesn't lie to you. He waits for you to catch up.

 

Why should you not have faith in him?

 

It is your brain that's the problem. But you can say to those ugly voices inside.

 

_**Shut up.** If Mark says so it's true. He doesn't lie when I ask._


End file.
